hmm. still no anecdotes. I've been pulling seventeen-hour shifts at work, which has fucked up my sleep schedule, but in a kind of nice way where I wake up in my soft bed at four in the afternoon and reach back to flip on NPR and listen to concertos while I doze in the sunlight. it's nice, this whole summer thing.

I got a full scholarship for this next year at school. so that's fortunate. but it also means that I'm somewhat obligated to attend, which makes me somewhat sick to my stomach. yesss, it's a bittersweet life I lead, in a middle-class american kind of way.

but listen, I like this:

I woke up this afternoon thinking about all my friends as old people. For example, I see Lise as an old woman with dyed black hair, crotchedy, but in an eccentric cosmopolitan secret-keeper kind of way, like Margaret Atwood. Dust (who I saw last Thursday, and we are not estranged in the least, contrary to my previous suspicion, and in fact it was great to see him and we talked about Spiderman 2 [which is good] and Joss Whedon's X-Men [which is ungodly better]) I see as a nice old man with fantastic stories to tell but whose house is kind of creepy, being decorated with weird art and puppets and smelling sort of funny, and so only some neighborhood kids are brave enough to come up on his porch and ask for stories. etc.

myself as an old person, I don't know. it's hard to imagine but it brings a smile to my face. When I was younger I used to say that I wanted to die in my mid-forties, but now that I've mellowed I kind of want my hair to go all white, or salty-grey, and I'll wear it long.

I've always wanted a garden, and any idea I have of final home involves a garden; but I'll be too old to tend a garden so I'll hire a tight little 23-year-old to come out three times a week and tend it. I'll walk myself out into the backyard with my cane and a tray of sandwiches and lemon water, and sit down on the wooden bench out there, and watch her stoop over and sweat and work. I'll soak up the sun with my wrinkly skin and make Ian McKellan-esque deadpan sexual comments.

and that'll be good.