they're playing my song.

I've been feeling sort of violently wistful [for the last ten years, yes, but also] for the last few days and I haven't been sleeping well. except that friday night I had a dream that I took a trip to a planet inhabited by (a) pink grass and (b) civilized polar bears; and on this planet one flushed the toilet by pedaling, but the pedals were designed for polar bear legs, not human ones! chaos ensued!

you should know that I performed marvelously in all of my classes this semester, despite my apathy and disdain. Now I am currently involved in a mass cleaning of my apartment and Serious Contemplation of the Universe. so far the cleaning is going better than the contemplation; for example, I have labelled all of my heretofore unlabelled compilation CDs, but my life philosphy has dwindled down to "this is . . this is all pointless," and, alternately, "shut up and kiss me."

however, there are a few items of interest:

1. The movie Fargo was released in Japan under the title 'Mysterious Murder in Snowy Cream.'

2. apparently, there is such a joke passing amidst elementary school students which begins, "are you a lesbo?" and, after the fervent denial, continues, "do you want to be a lesbo?" I do not know the punchline of this joke, because when my little sister and brother attempted to tell me this joke, I answered their questions in all seriousness.

that's right. we had the talk.

in response to the "are you a lesbo?" question, I cleared my throat and said, "well, um. listen." Christina, the elder and more learned of the two, said (I shit you not),"oh, god, Hayden."

I then made christina and hayden provide me with a variety of definitions for lesbo and attempted to explain sexual ambiguity without actually using the words "sex" or "sexual" or "sexuality" or "hmm, I just like it." I think Christina just mostly pretended she wasn't there, was on a deserted island or something; and Hayden, the younger and also male of the two, just shook his head sans comprehension and said, "do you want to be a lesbo?"

3. Christina has traded her rabbit Nike for a kitten. His name is Rupert. coming soon, crazy cat stories. watch this space.

4. orange juice makes me happy. in the lesbo vein, I had this kinda-girlfriend lady once, though actually we were mostly just friends, and she couldn't drink orange juice because it upset her stomach, due to its acidity. she also took prozac. I was a real hardcore naturalist at the time, so I didn't believe in giving up fruit or dairy or meat or in taking pills; so even though I never said anything to her I think she always got a disapproving vibe from me whenever she mentioned that she couldn't drink orange juice. towards the middle of our relationship, she would mention how she had cut down on her prozac and how she'd tried some orange juice and liked it and really it didn't hurt her stomach so much. She was applying for my approval, of course, and it kills me now to think that she had to do that; but at the time I thought I was making her better. I was very stupid. now I'm not hardcore anything.

5. I have a question and I want someone to answer it, anyone. everyone around here glorifies peace and villifies complacency, but what is the difference between them? is virtuous poverty only an excuse for zero charity?

--A.

edited to add

erin (tired, depressed, resigned, amused): I think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, daddy. what's the cure for that?
dad (grim): death.