0. do you ever get the feeling that there's something so secret going on?

1. I rode into the wilds of west virginia with elizabeth, who recieved a reckless driving citation, and devon, who recieved a reckless noogie, from me. I didn't see any monsters, a bit disappointing-- but I did see dustin, who is an entertainer! of whom I am extraordinarily proud. I may not know when a man is happy, but I can tell when he's having a good time.

the next weekend I rode into Jonesborough, which is the oldest town in tennessee and the north american storytelling capital, to buffalo mountain, where I spent halloween with other italian students.

I was Harry Potter.

I drove back home on autumn tennessee highways in the sun.

2. I was reading through my livejournal friendslist earlier. I found Caramel Macchiato, an online comic which hasn't quite gotten off the ground yet, but which, you can tell, is just going to be devastatingly charming and is drawn by the incomparable glock, of harry potter & x-men fan-art & -fiction fame.

I also came across this comment:

"all his muscles are tennnseee"

meaning, like, tense that's all stretched out. tennnseee. but when I first read it, I thought it said, "All his muscles are tennessee."

and I was like, quite right, it ought to be an adjective.

3. all my dreams were bad for a while. not nightmares, but dreams that make you feel like you haven't slept in forever, or that you slept wrong.

in one I had to help my mom prepare dinner, and she was serving crayfish. so she had these two small crayfish and she had to kill them, and she ending up dropping them on the floor. it's my job to help her so I scramble after the larger of the two-- and I have to kill it because we're having it for dinner.

the crayfish becomes a preying mantis.

I pick up a rock and I drop it on the mantis; it connects but the mantis keeps scurrying for its life across the floor. I pick the rock up and slam it down on top of the mantis-- this time the mantis stops, only a little mangled but stunned, done for.

my sister-- my little sister is there-- says, "you only hurt her."

she's right, the mantis is hurt and now I have to kill it, and besides, its our dinner and this is my job and this is how the world works. I kill you. I eat you.

I bring the rock down on the mantis one more time, hard, and it smashes her little body completely. two smaller mantises-- mantis larvae-things, I guess, but it wasn't gross and maggoty in the dream-- crawl out of opened chest, look around, then crawl back in. mom's on the other side of the room and she's bent over her mantis, which she killed.

I'm filled with so much sadness I can't breath. I don't understand why it has to be like this. we put ourselves in these situations, and there's only forward. hayden-- my little brother-- sees that mom is sad so he puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her he loves her. I remember thinking that I wished he would come over here.

4. all these bad dreams built up and then yesterday I read that hot cocoa is rich in antioxidants so I had, like, eight cups and then listend to The Bodyguard soundtrack, which was my first cd ever, when I was eleven.

and I had this incredible dream.

I don't remember the plot, which is strange because I usually remember the plots of my dreams, but I only remember that Wolverine was there, and JC was there, and people that I used to know where there, and magick and weird old houses with staircases and mystery were there; and it was just this parade of those things that ever made me happy, excited me to talk about or think about.

I woke up this morning and went to fly's house, told her about the dream. she said, "let's go to the park."

we went to this really wealthy knoxville subdivision where they have park next to the tennessee river, facing cliffs and forests and houses with grecian columns and five chimneys. there were people walking their dogs and a group of kids playing red rover.

(I love red rover.)

fly and I found some bushes we could crawl underneath, and we made a clubhouse there. contact me for the details of enrollment. and then I pointed at the house with five chimneys and I said, maybe when we grow up we can get all our people together and live there, and fly said we could. and I believe that, and all the stuff in my dream, jc and wolverine and everything, I believe in that.

5. I saw the lunar eclipse tonight. it's weird how the dull red hum of a naked moon makes it seem closer; and as I watched the earth's shadow press its face it occured to me.

put a ball of clay on a table. walk into the next room and place a ball of clay on that table. now lay a battery next to it.

that's all your universe is. that's what you are.