When I read/listen to/watch *NSYNC interviews nowadays, I absorb it on three different levels. Just them, of course; and the slash fiction them; and Dust's us them. So-- Chris is a bouncy clothesline-owning elf; gives great head; and is Devon.

I went to the store last night and bought face-scrub, cookie dough, and an issue of TigerBeat. Like, I was the definitive teenie.

There was this interview, which I cackled over at three in the morning. I can only assume that whoever transcribed this interview was summing up the TigerBeat interviewer (Deborah Law)'s questions.

~*~

TigerBeat (TB): Who's the biggest talker?

Chris: Definitely Joey. Once he starts, he doesn't stop for breath! It all ends up being one huge long sentence.

Justin: Don't-- you'll give him a complex.

TB: Who's the funniest?

JC: Probably Chris, he's the crazy one.

[note - Whenever they refer to each other as 'the ___ one', I have to be suspicious. I mean, I don't refer to my friends as 'the short one' or 'the Jane Austen one'. It's as if they've become icons of characteristic even in their own minds.]

Lance: Yeah, he's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic!

[oh, Lance. You card, you.]

Chris: No, Lance, you are the funny one.

[hah!!]

Justin: I think everybody has their moments, but Chris just seems to have more of them.

Chris: I think we're all equally funny. It's just that I come out of the box fastest.

Justin: Tell the squirrel joke.

Joey: How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut! It's not really very funny, is it?

Chris: The best ones are when we go to countries that don't speak the language and we tell our favorite jokes, but we've all got different versions. Mine goes, two penguins were on a boat getting some sun. One penguin says to the other, 'Would you please pass me the radio?' And the pengiun says, 'What do you think I am, a tomato?!'

Lance: And they don't understand but they laugh politely anyway.

TB: Who's the clumsiest?

Justin: It's probably me.

[I hear that to the tune of "It's gonna be me". Like, "it's probably maaaay." Like, Justin, you nut. you can't get away.]

I broke my thumb breakdancing. Joey steps on people's feet alot, but he can't help it, he's just got very big feet.

TB: Who flirts the most?

Justin: Joey. He's always chatting with girls. He's really flirtatious.

Chris: I think Lance is pretty good at it, too. He's sneaky. You don't know he's doing it until it's too late.

[Notice that Chris is using the impersonal you, here. As in, '_I_ don't know he's doing it until it's too late.']

The question is: are you good if you don't make any fuss and just do it, or are you good if nobody knows you are doing it?

Joey: Then JC's just cheesy. He has all these really bad lines. He even uses, 'How often do you come here?'

JC: Okay, I asked that once, all right?

Chris: Yes, but closely followed by, 'What's your star sign?'

JC: Hey, I was just genuinely curious! It just came out really wrong. The minute I said it, everyone was like, 'You are a loser.'

TB: Who's the biggest party animal?

JC: We all have our moments, but Joey and Chris stay up the latest.

Joey: You see, JC matured too quickly. He peaked at the age of 15 and he has been going downhill slowly. All he wants to do now is sleep.

Lance: The worst feeling in the world is when you have to wake up first thing in the morning.

Chris: No, it's not. The worst feeling in the world is when you stick your head in a bowl of jell-o and then don't wash it off. Now that's a bad feeling. It goes all sticky and crusty.

[The teenies of the world: " . . . "]

TB: Who spends the most time looking in the mirror?

Lance: I can't bear looking in the mirror.

[Dude, Lance. Isn't that a little honest for TigerBeat?]

Justin: None of us are particularly vain. We pretty much throw anything on.

Joey: Honestly, though, if we had to pick someone, it would probably be me.

Chris: Although JC does dance in front of the mirror alot. He makes all these crazy faces at himself.

TB: Is there a leader in 'N Sync?

Joey: There isn't one, really.

JC: Everybody has their own role and is a leader in some respect. Lance always has the schedule down. He's always on top of that.

[You get the feeling here that they're all hiding some terrible secret. Like, maybe Lance is the leader, and he's this sadistic task-master marches them around and keeps them in nipple clamps until they can sing all their songs backwards.]

TB: Who worries the most?

JC: I guess I'm pretty paranoid.

Chris: Yeah, he tends to really stress about how many records we're selling and what people think and all that.

[Okay, let's just all stand back and say 'homosexual' in unison.]

Joey: Sometimes me and Chris want to go out and party and JC's like, 'Well, we have to get up early for a photo shoot in the morning.'

Chris: And then the next morning he will just look at you and go, 'So you stayed up late last night? You're going to look really good today, aren't you?'

TB: Who gets homesick the most?

Justin: We all do, but we don't really talk about it. The five of us are like a family and we look after each other.

Chris: Sometimes I get more homesick when I'm at home.

[That may be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I feel like that, sometimes. 'Bout my tribe.]

Joey: And when you're on the road you're so busy you don't get time to think about it.

TB: What do you really think of each other?

Joey: Chris gives awesome head.

Justin: Totally.

[kidding.]

JC: Justin is very, very athletic. He's just always excited to do things and have a good time. I also love his sincerity. He's a really nice, genuine, kind person.

Justin: Joey is a very optimistic person. Whenever things are not too good, he'll try his hardest to make them better.

[Translation: Joey gives awesome head.]

Joey: Lance is a really good person to talk to. He's really interested in business and marketing and is always on top of things. He wants to be a business manager one day.

Lance: Chris is just crazy! He's so funny and makes people laugh, it's really cool.

Chris: JC is hardworking. He's a very serious sort of person. I don't mean he's not fun, but he knows when it's time to work. He's dedicated to his career and that's admirable.

~*~

What do we garner from this interview? Joey's actually pretty intelligent, Chris really is funny, Lance is kind of a dumbass, Justin kind of isn't, and nobody really likes JC.

Back with more, later.
--A