In the words of Dorina: urf. I just drove home from Knoxville-- passed my test, got my job, got a picture on my badge where I'm making this weird wrinkly-nosed face. Also, due to the intense boredom inherent in this training class, I just carried on a two-hour imaginary conversation with someone I don't know.

Saying things like, "I'm going to get roaringly drunk, meditate on my emotional limitations, feel sorry for myself, and kick you out of my house. not in that order. Fuck you. I hate you." and "I did this with Cindy. I'm not gonna do this."

and writing lots and lots of haiku.

I am not silent,
but I don't say the things that
don't look good in verse.

I'm home now and I've made my journal tour-- feel kind of better, because I love my friends. I have no burning desire to read anything, which is a bad sign.

speak of the devil. Cinderella IMed me. She had some kind of viral attack a week or some ago and had to have a spinal tap. Now she has migraines. Shit like that is always happening to Cinderella. I always thought she was cursed because of the party girl thing-- but on reflection, I think it's because she knows what she wants to do with her life. The cosmos hates that kind of thing. Or, it could be the party girl thing. Don't know. None of my affair, anymore.

unnnh.

I'm torn between this thing saying that people in your life keep your organized, keep your mind in focus. A person in your life. Another thing saying, "lola, you're _crazy_. You just are."

And another thing saying, why are you going on about this? Why are they reading this?

Whatever. some other imaginery haiku:

I fell in deep love
with origami heartache
when I was out west.

**

other people's lives
are filled with big minutes and
seem to go so fast.

**

Internet access
is a precious, precious thing.
Especially _now_.

**

I love with a love
that is fearful to realize.
Bad, bad idea.

**

that's the worst haiku
in this smelly universe.
stupid, stupid, dumb.

**

I have to remind
myself, this would have happened
in Tennessee, too.

**

just go out there now.
he'll be there or he will not.
_you'll_ be, regardless.

**

this sucks really hard.
stupid recording thingy
can go to hot hell.

**

Sixth-grader promise
to always love forever
was silly then, too.

The House representative for Idaho spoke today in criticism of the United States Postal Service. His name is Butch Otter.

--it really is.

Alestar
***
You know what? Fuck you. I don't want the boys to fuck me, I want to fuck them. And anyone who doesn't like it can fuck themselves, which is why I guess I'm motherfucking Artemis.
~ helen