8:00 - return to computer. family eating lasagna behind me, feel first pang of actual grief. consider that I should've gone into fasting with a more solid reason than "I've never done this before." look for fiction.

8:11 - see White online. petition her to go see Meet the Parents with me, as tonight is dollar night at the dollar theatre. she accepts. am hungry.

8:15 - put shoes on. leave.

8:17 - return to computer. am not _really_ hungry. am enslaved by physical preoccupation and routine. actually leave.

9:40 - movie starts. cute movie. if movie had been deeply beautiful or moving, would not have been able to pay attention. chew jokingly on White's shirt. lust after popcorn.

11:40 - get out of movie. take White home. take the long way. listen to the Darling, Mix It Up cd. is fucking cool.

12:44 - get home. tells dad, no, I forget to pick up cigarettes for you. dad bitches. mom bids me go out again, so dad won't bitch. stand in kitchen, looking at remains of lasagna.

12:50 - leave again to fetch cigarettes. take long way.

1:08 - see shooting star.

1:15 - go to bed. lie awake for indeterminate about of time. sleep in pieces.

8:30 - wake up. remember four elements of dream: (1) Lise takes me to a national monument in an old city. (2) new children's television show with a Venus of Willendorf figure, who is naked-- am impressed, make mental note to tell Devon, 'cause she's into children's television programming. (3) live in a prison type environment, except instead of cells, cars. live in a car across from couple Chris Kirkpatrick and Laura from Family Matters. also in car prison, 'rith. (4) 'rith tells me about latest development in Ultimate X-Men comic-- Logan revealed to have had a relationship, once, with the Joker. scandal rocks Marvel.

8:40 - remember that the pictures I developed at Wal-Mart _were_ from the pilgrimage. curse own lack of continuity of memory.

8:45 - get up. start guzzling water. feel a little bit of actual hunger now, behind my rib cage-- but more than that, miss food profoundly. feel strong desire to return to routine of get-up, have-breakfast. endorphins at good level-- smiley but not jittery. can concentrate. feel good.

9:00 - get e-mail from Pebblin. answer e-mail from Pebblin.

9:20 - update fasting journal. wonder what the hell to do today. feel impulse to lay in the sun. think, can't lay around all day. then think, can. is excusable when fasting. look for nsync fiction.

9:30 - change mind. don't know what to do. feeling panicky. is food so much of my day that I feel lost and directionless without it? hell, yes. want to eat, want to live.

9:31 - calm self. will make tape for Tan. s'all good.

10:02 - get bored with that. look for nsync.wav files. find them. find one of Joey making a joke off of that movie with Tom Hanks and Madonna, A League Of Their Own, saying, "There's no crying on TRL! There's no crying on TRL! There's no _crying_ on TRL!!" Also, of him saying, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

10:30 - find fucking adorable .wav file of JC saying, "No, actually, 'kismet' means, like, fate, or something like that--" Someone else says, "Also, it's kinda cool." and then JC says, "Well, yeah, but not-- because everybody thinks you're saying 'Kermit' or something like that, and then they're waiting for you to go 'Hi ho! We're reading for the scene. Y'know-- ready for my close-up!'"

10:35 - I can't guess at the context of this, but-- JC says, "Who are you embarassed to like, Lance?" And Lance says, "You." no longer feel hunger.

10:50 - Lise signs on. tell her about the afore-mentioned .wav file. we talk briefly about her nsync story. also, we argue about the definition of "toboggan". is a hat, no? those knit caps. what do Canadians know. she mentions cake. hunger is back.

11:04 - JC .wav: "I'm not pregnant."

11:20 - am bored. found a bag of chocolate peanut-butter cups. am looking at it.

11:25 - decide to give into impulse to go lay around outside. taking "On the Road" and "Memnoch the Devil" with me. knock water bottle off of desk in disgust. pick water bottle up.

11:30 - post journal entry. love.

--Alestar
***
it damn near be on.