All right. Two things that fill me with excitement for the future: cheap, goofy *nsync Valentine's Day cards, and the prospect of making my own calendar.

I've been intermittently crying and sleeping for the past thirty hours. Also, I put oil in my car, and watched X-Men twice.

Mmmmm.

I'm not a student anymore. I went to class Monday, to turn in that Jesus paper, and I decided while washing dishes Tuesday that I wasn't going to anymore. I mean, I debated and bullshitted about it, but my decision was made immediately, when I got dishsoap in my mouth.

So I'm not a student anymore. I'm not quite sure what I am, instead.

la la la
I am human.
la la la
I've seen my hands.

Swoop, kaboom-- swoop, kaBOOM. We were diving in for the kill, but we missed, so we kept flying. A gasket burst over Forks of Ivy, North Carolina. We found a pay phone, but we can't figure out who to call-- so we're just making grafitti on the booth. The person I'm with wrote: "Where did he come from?" and I giggled and wrote: "The desert."

Then I drew a little stick figure picture of my mindscape desert that I made years ago-- when we did that Arabic mind excercise thing where you have to picture a desert and a horse and a box and all that.

Um. So how am I feeling. Ashamed, more than anything. I keep shaking my head no. There's also, usual anger. Usual joie de vivre. *nsync and Marc Cohn still make me happy. I can't look at people.

This is a battle we've won.

.

But do I really feel the way I feel?

Let's see what's what, y'all. I'll be back.

Alestar
***
Acoustic Radiohead is on, and that means things aren't okay, but they're also not getting any worse.