Let's recap.

The tape in the package Devon sent me was nothing-- it was happy, it was fine. Fabulous stuff. Bangarang.

We didn't end up actually going to the sea for the change of year. One travelling companion got antsy about driving in snow, the other came down with a sinus problem. So.

"Oh, let my keel burst! Let me go to the-- store."

We ended up renting Mulan and Princess Mononoke (and the Yellow Submarine, but let us never speak of that again), and going to Dustin's grandmother's abandoned apartment.

We found a picture of a sunrise on an ocean, so we put that on the mantle-- along with some seashells, a candle for Saint Barbara, and a giant sky toad. Also, a magic tortilla chip.

Dustin made us shell pasta, and we had some really bad wine. At midnight, we went outside and sacrificed some M&M's and the tortilla chip to the rabbit gods.

It was a good night. Celebrate good times, come on. The demon is dead.

The next morning I went out and sat in the forest in the while and tried to find something insightful in the snow. I found a hollowed out car, shelled in rust and moss; and a door I couldn't open; and lots of thick, sturdy wooded vines to play on, which I played on.

Tell you the truth, I prefer the worst of you.

I got a top-secret anonymous postcard. But it's from Pebblin, she's not foolin' anyone. Kisser Dan, my ass.

Oh, and hey-- guess who's got a journal. This fine lady. Ely asked me to ask Devon to make it pretty for her-- like Devon did for me-- but the night I talked to Ely--

Y'know, I don't know here. About names, I mean. All these people have had names at one point or another, but most of them were kind of half-baked. Lyndsay told me once that she didn't actually consider herself Rain. Rain being her other name. So now it seems kind of pretentious and-- distancing-- to call some of those people some of those things.

On the other hand-- over the weekend, Devon and Dustin kept calling me Erin, and I kept thinking, I'm never going to get used to that.

If I were still going to my assignment moose, I'd tell her that, and she'd say, "What's wrong with being Erin?" And I'd get frustrated and pissy, because that's so not what it's about, and I'd say, nothing, and then try to change the subject. It's not about that. I have identity issues, but they're not self-esteem problems.

I just, have a problem with my human connections. You know me.

Pebblin is going skydiving with a monkey strapped to her back. Or something.

Anyway, so Ely-- or, y'know, yeah-- talked to me Monday night, but Devon was somewhat harried at the time, so I didn't want to mention it to her then; and then by the following morning, I'd forgotten. So I got home and I thought, well, I can do *something* for Ely. So I pretended to be a web-designer for a little bit, and Ely seems pretty happy. I think I did pretty okay for someone who knows fuck-nothing about web-design. And, well. I kinda like it. :D

Look, see. I admitted outloud to being pleased with something I did, even if the picture *is* too big and I had to use the word "kinda". I'm changing and growing. Or, changing, at least.

I did nothing yesterday, so I went to the Waffle House after the sun set and drank coffee until I was shaking and wrote bad fiction. My favorite line is-- "November is never the beginnin' of anything, Otis."

And, god. I heard the Unchained Melody three times last night. There's nothing like it.

Afterwards, I drove around for an hour before ending up at Ely's house, and we talked about some things that I really can't recall clearly, and she gave me some hard lemonade to calm my nerves. And I heard that Titanic song, and I laughed, because Lise hates Celine Dion.

And that's the recap, chi'dren. We all caught up now? Now we have to figure out what I'm going to do today. 'Cause I don't really know. I've still got the taste of this bad fiction in my mouth, so I probably shouldn't go within ten feet of any of the stuff I need to work on.

I figure I'm gonna jam to some Ani DiFranco until I forget English and then go from there.

Oh, and. I gotta get a job.

Peace unto y'all.

--Alestar
***
Let me in now. Bill Gates, Donald Trump-- let me in now. I got money to lend my friends now, we in now. I'm fuckin lesbian twins now. Through my pen I make my ends now. Let me in now.