I keep talking to you, and I keep getting stunted. Friday there was wishing well catharsis and Dustin love; Satyrday there was mountain climbing; Sunday there was family bonding; Monday there was writing and Victor-bonding. Today there wasn't really anything, but I'm sure I still could've squeezed some meaning out of something. But I'd start, and then stop irreparably. So I figured the only thing to be done was to wait until I had nothing to say.

That would be now.

I've just read hours worth of bad fiction, and I'm feeling a little disgusted with the whole process. I can't even complain about it, because anyone listening would simply say, that's what you get for digging kinky boyband slash, traveller.

--Did I mention that? New *nsync fetish, going strong. Except, it's suffered a blow tonight. That happens in the smaller fandoms. There's bad fiction everywhere, but in larger fandoms-- like Star Wars or X-Files-- there's always more to explore, and more good stuff to find. *nsync is a small fandom, and when you've exhausted the good stuff, you're pretty much done.

You could write your own, Ale. Yeeeah. Fuck you, muse.

I have two questionnaires in my mailbox, waiting to be filled out. Both from Ely. And one of them is that how-well-do-you-know-me surveys that you fill out about the person who sent it to you.

Ely says, "Remember - everyone loves reading about themselves. Admit it." I admit it.

Because I'm a complete fucking lunatic, and I'm bored, and I don't feel like communicating with any one individual, I'm going to fill this questionnaire out about myself.

*coughs*

1. My name: Alestar.

2. Where did we meet?: When I was eleven. I'm not really sure how it happened. I was hanging out in the room with the green walls, and all of a sudden, bam, and there you were. Or maybe it happened outside. I don't remember. But it started when I was eleven.

3. Take a stab at my middle name: Alestar's middle name? Good heavens. Something gross and embarassing like Ch'odd. Or Meredith.

4. How long have you known me?: Really known you? Probably going on three years now.

5. How well do you know me?: Eh. Functionally, I know you fine-- because you're a predictable motherfucker. But I'm still working on the motivation angle. I'd say I know you better than anyone else, admit that that's not much, and move on.

6. Do I smoke?: Nope. It's inconvenient for my demanding pagan lungs.

8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?: "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"

9. My age?: There's no way to answer this without sounding completey pretentious. I say, I don't mess with your groove, you don't mess with mine.

10. My birthday?: The 21st of March.

11. Hair color?: Brown.

12. Eye color?: Weird. Blue-thingy green.

13. Am I tall or short or average?: Mm. Tall? I don't know. Not really, but all your friends are short, so it seems like it most of the time.

14. Do I have any siblings?: No. You don't. I do.

15. (opp. sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?: Yeee-ah.

16. (same sex) Have you ever been jealous of me?: . . Yeah. I'm not sure how that works, but yeah.

16.5 (same sex) Have you ever had a crush on me

(thought I'd give it a shot)?: Oh, very cute, Ely.

IF ANSWERING "YES" ON THE FOLLOWING, EXPLAIN WITH

DETAILS:

17. Who do you think I am in love with?: . . I've forgotten who I'm talking to. I think you're in love with me.

18. What is one of my favorite things to do?: Listen. Talk. Make trouble and dance.

19. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?: There's no way I can answer this without sounding psychotic, is there. Fine. You probably said something "boo-yaw" or "Roll over, Henry."

20. What's your funniest memory of me?: Eh. Too abstract. I'll have more spirit for that question tomorrow.

21. What do you think is my favorite type of music?: Booty music, no question. Full-out gangsta-bitch Aaliyah groove. You sex machine, you.

22.What do you think is my best feature?: Death and glorious sod-all-else? Nah. Certainty, I think. Readiness. No matter what else one can say about you-- you know what you're all about.

23. And my worst feature?: Cold, cold baby. Short attention span. Susceptability to fetish.

24. Do you look up or down on me...as a person?: Mm. Up.

24.5. Do you have to look up or down at me?: What? You're getting tangled again, cap'n.

25. Do you think I have morals and values?: I think . . yes. You have very strict morals and values-- but they're very odd. You're fine with murder, but disrespect is a crime punishable by death.

26. Would you say I am a leader or a follower?: Leader.

27. Am I shy or outgoing?: Heh. I wouldn't really say either.

28. Can you picture me dancin'?: Ohh, yeah, baby.

29. Can you picture me rollin'?: I can, papi.

29.5. Can you picutre me naked (trick question): Oddly enough, no, I can't. And why is that a trick question?

30. Would you say I am funny?: Sure, man. I have a good time with you.

31. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules? You follow rules. But you *made* those rules.

32. Do I have any special talents?: Um.

33. What would you say my best accomplishment has been so far?: I couldn't speak for that, Ale. You'd have to ask them.

34. Would you consider me a friend?: I would.

35. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else ("homie's" fail the quiz)?: I'll go with something else. Since I don't want to fail.

36. Have you ever seen me cry? What? Cry? Alestar?? --Yeah, I have. It's kind of sexy.

37. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?: Good question. I went to a Buddy's Bar-B-Q once, and that were doing some charity or another, and they said, would you like to donate a dollar? And I said, sure. So they gave me a picture of a heart or something and said, fill this out and we'll hang it on our wall of charity. And I put BJ Koren for the name. So. That's a good name.

38. What is your favorite thing to do with me?: Heh.

39. Do I drink alcohol?: Yeah. I'm not sure how much.

40. Do I do drugs?: --God, I hope not.

41. Have I ever been there for you?: You're always there for me. Often in a stoic cowboy way, but there nonetheless.

42. Am I fun to be with?: I have a good time.

43. Am I smart?: Yeah.

45. Do ya love me?: You big sap. I sure do.

46. Name one way I have changed your life or made an impact in it: Let me count the ways. --Now who's the big sap.

47. Would you kiss me? Yes.

48. Would you go out with me if I asked you? Not in a million years. Fucking psycho.

--And that's it. Now I'm kind of psuedo-reenergized, and I think I could handle some more bad fiction. Take care, y'all. I got the love for ya.

Alestar
***
I just said goodbye and went, still thinking about the girl. Still thinking about the girl with the cup of water that I didn't ask about.